When things don't work quite right

Why is it that Jason's computer will save my settings or passwords when I ask it to but, despite the repeated requests I've made of my computer, I still have to sign in to EVERYTHING?

Why is it that Jason can instantly make computers work/cameras work/coffee grinders open when I've been trying the same things for 10 minute intervals all day long?

And did you know that if you're using T9 to text on your cell phone and you try to type "home" it will come up as "good?" Or if you try to say that you're dreaming of your husband's "kiss," it will tell him that you are dreaming of his "lips?" And if you punch in "mom" it will give you "non." If you get stubburn and type it again ("mommom") in a desperate attempt to make your phone get it right, it will give you "nonmom."
Because that's a word.



I'm just sayin'.

"Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control."

I read a blog not long ago on exercising. The blogger had read an article that basically said that people who exercise aren't necessarily healthier, because they think that exercising gives them license to eat whatever they want, in whatever portion they want. I was glad that wasn't me.
Until I realized it was.

And then this morning when I was working out I thought, "I am working TOO HARD to not eat better." Really, it's true. When I'm done exercising, the way I look could hardly be described as "glistening." You don't want more details.
And yet, didn't I eat two brownies last night? At someone else's house? That made me a little sick this morning. I justified it by not eating ice cream. And because the brownies were gluten-free (you were right, Hannah). And because I don't eat this stuff at home (because I don't buy it for us). But I'll eat it at everyone else's house!

And when I was thinking about blogging this (gotta keep your mind going when you're exercising) I thought of a spiritual correlation. Because really, doesn't everything involving food have a spiritual correlation? And I wondered if I was short-circuiting myself spiritually the way I was short-circuiting myself physically.
Was I:

-Eating the good stuff? This can get tricky, even as a stay-at-home mom, because I feel like I have so many priorities. Being physically healthy is a priority, cleaning my house is a priority, spending real time with my kids (not just being in the same room) is a priority. And I have other priorities that I won't list because I don't do them on a regular basis and I don't want to depress myself by listing them all. But man, if I want God, then He has to be a priority. I want to devour His Word and His presence, even if it means I'm only alone (read: without kids) with Him for five minutes. God would fill me in five minutes if I gave it to Him.

-Eating regularly? It is fascinating to me that for people wanting to lose large amounts of weight, eating at regular intervals is recommended. And I don't just mean you're not supposed to skip breakfast. Dietitians will actually recommend eating at least two small snacks during the day in addition to the three regular meals. There's nothing like being consistent.

-Laying off the junk food? Not everything can be a priority in every season of my life. This is hard for me to swallow sometimes, but if I tried to make everything I want to do a priority every day I wouldn't do it all anyway, and I would do nothing well. Just like every bite of food should count (or at least that's what they tell you when you're pregnant), the things I do each day should count.

Well, thanks for letting me get my thoughts straightened out here. It was really meant to help me more than to preach at you.

Ah, man. I just found a two for one coupon for Coldstone Creamery in my purse. Maybe . . . just one last time?

Proverbial Wisdom (no, really)

This morning I woke up in a nice mood. I exercised. I sang a song we worked on at worship team practice last night while I got ready. I even thought of a song to go with it in a worship service. I baked gluten-free blueberry bread. I was connecting to God and things were running smoothly.

Then it was time to wake up my kiddos. I usually let them sleep until they wake up (which is rarely much past 8), but we were leaving at 8:30 to go to my mother-in-law's so Jason could work on her house.

Now, you must understand that getting ready for the day is not Natalie's favorite thing to do. It stands between her and playing, writing letters, or anything else that she wants to do. I keep trying to explain to her that she could go to the bathroom, get dressed, brush her teeth, and let me fix her hair in ten minutes and be done with it. But right now she seems to prefer fighting me on every step, getting sent to her room until her attitude changes, and in general, dragging the process out for half an hour to an hour.
It is a source of irritation to both of us.

But -- today we are going to Grandma's house first thing. Surely, she will jump out of bed and get ready in a whirlwind of speed. Or so I thought.
I was wrong.

She did get out of bed happy. One thing about my girls is that they are not usually groggy or hard to wake up in the mornings. They get up smiling.
But she did not want to get ready. And she fought me on every step except putting on her play dress.

And my mood sank. Next time we go to Grandma's, we're leaving Natalie at home, I thought smugly.

Somewhere in this process, I remembered that scripture in Proverbs, "A wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands." I heard it in Mama Kathy's voice, telling her L.A. students that she believed it was her responsibility to set the tone for her house each morning. How would she greet her children? Would she be cheery each morning, or let the atmosphere of the house change with her emotions and the amount of sleep she got the night before?

And I knew then, that while I could not control how Natalie reacts to . . . anything, I could control how I acted. I could, if I so chose, offer her a parent operating under self-control, compassion, and patience. I could offer her a parent who responded without anger.

I could.

And so, in my heart, I went back to the place I was this morning. And it almost made me laugh, how easily I flip-flopped from one thing to another. I don't have to, because "to each one was allotted a portion of grace," and "His grace is sufficient." Period.

How my children help me accomplish my goals.

Dearest Elsie,
Thank you for your help today, Sweetheart. I would have never gotten so much done this morning without you.
I really wanted to get up at 6 today, but I was too tired. But you got up shortly after I hit the snooze button -- you are such a good motivator. But even then, I tried to put you in bed with me so we could sleep. I meant to only lie there until you nodded off, but I think I must have nodded off first. Or maybe you didn't go to sleep at all. I will never know.
But I was wide awake when I smelled the all-too-familiar-sweetly-pungent-diaper smell. And when I looked at your beautiful smile, and noticed traces of diaper mess on your face, hair, and arms I was still more awake. Way to get me out of bed fast, Baby.
And thank you for the cleaning reminder. I had actually already washed my sheets this week, but you are right: they can never be too clean.
How did you know I wanted to give you girls baths today, Little Elsie? I was thinking of doing it tonight, but there is no time like the present. Now you, your sister, and I can spend this evening playing games instead of taking baths.
And the bathroom -- I also wanted to clean the bathroom today. You gave me such good incentive for getting it done right away this morning, Honey. That bathtub needed a good scrubbing.
I've been meaning to mop the floors. If you hadn't have smeared the contents of your diaper on your pajama pants AND shirt, and I hadn't have taken them off in the bathroom, I would have never thought of mopping the floor before I was dressed.
So thank you, Sweetie. Who would have thought that I would have help cleaning the house from my 14 month old? You knew all the right things to do.
I love you,
Mommy

What is this post about, anyway?

You know what's hard about blogging? What's hard is, I get blog ideas ALL the time. But of course, I'm not in a situation to be blogging at any and all times and so the ideas have to wait. Sigh. And sometimes they wait some more. And then I have trouble remembering what I was really going to say and how I was going to say it and why it was a cool idea for a blog post in the first place.

By the way, wasn't I going to put vacation pictures up here sometime?
Maybe later.
When I remember all the stuff I was going to say.
Maybe I should start putting this stuff down in that little notebook I keep in my purse (note to Hannah: If you don't carry a tiny notebook, you really should. You are the kind of person who would use and greatly benefit from one. These days, my notebook mostly serves as a distraction for little fingers).

So, Saturday I got a date, and there was much rejoicing. We went to see "Julie & Julia", which was really nice of Jason since he wanted to see G.I. Joe. But, being the fantastic husband he is, and knowing that I would get no enjoyment out of Mr. Joe, he agreed to enthusiastically watch yet another chick flick with me. Jason is very good at that.

"Julie & Julia" had a lot for me to appreciate. There's the cooking side, of course. I don't claim to be a great cook, but I do aspire to prepare many sorts of recipes -- and some turn out better than others. However, I will say that I think I've been doing a lot more of the better sort in recent years (and I think Jason would agree). Cooking is something that Jason and I both enjoy, so it was fun to see a movie about that.

Then there was the writing side. I felt like my emotions went up and down with the prospects of both of these women's writing endeavors. I was so happy when Julia opened the copy of her cookbook, even though I knew it was going to happen for her -- being Julia Child, and all.

But you know what I think really made me like this movie? I think it was the fact that in this movie there were two married couples who really loved each other. Neither wife was a demeaning, nagging freak, and neither husband was a slovenly, snide couch potato. Instead, I saw wives who looked at their husbands adoringly. They knew that whatever person they became in the end was shaped largely by their man. I watched husbands who loved their wives in spite of/because of their quirks. Husbands that listened, and talked their wives through problems, and motivated them to keep going. I watched a husband comfort his crying wife; and a wife who recognized that she could never appreciate her husband enough, but she could stop taking him for granted.

And so, Jason and I left the theater with our emotions swimming around our lungs. We went home and cleaned up feeling quite satisfied with loving each other. I sang jazzy tunes that have never before been written. And we smiled as we remembered our dinner. We were going to grab a burger after the movie, but somehow that just didn't seem right. So we ended up at an Italian restaurant instead. And we savored every bite.

Cracks me up everytime I read it...

This post is from the blog of my cousin's wife. If you need a laugh, read on!

My thoughts at 7:00 this morning after not seeing my children for 4 days...
I have the cutest kids in the whole world.
How do I ever get irritated with them constantly talking to me? They have the sweetest little voices I've ever heard.
Well of course Rylan is whining and crying for an hour. The poor, sweet, helpless baby stubbed his toe. What else is he to do?
Isn't it fun to see the boys interacting? Sure, they get annoyed with each other but it's just because they love each other so much.

My thoughts 5 hours later...
I have the cutest kids in the whole world.
Wow, they really do talk to me c-o-n-s-t-a-n-t-l-y. I mean, that's OK, but WOW I have a bad, bad, bad headache right now.
Seriously, Rylan. Stop whining. I can't wait to put you down for a nap, sweet child.
I think I'll split the big boys up for the next couple of hours so they can't find anything else to argue over.

Um, I love you -- remember?

On the way home from a baby shower tonight, I thought about typing this as my facebook status:

I made two lasagnas AND our family dinner, went shopping, got two presents ready, and paid bills today. Yeah, I'm tempted to think I'm awesome, too. Except that my house is a wreck from rug to rafter.

As I said, I thought about typing this but never did. That's because when I walked in the door this evening, my house was not a wreck. My dishes were washed. The floor was devoid of toys, blankets, shoes, and what have you. Even my bills/papers that were strewn across the kitchen floor were put into three neat piles on the desk: file, current bills, do something.

I was relieved, really. I'd been preparing myself to tuck the kiddos in bed and stay up until 11 cleaning up and watching Dick Van Dyke on hulu (which, really -- if you're going to be cleaning by yourself late into the night -- is the way to do it).
But I also felt a little guilty. Jason had a long day that started at 3:30am. I'm sure the last thing he needed to do was come home to a house that looked like the salvation army -- after it blew up. And I'm sure the last thing he needed to do was clean it up. But he did. And even left the girls and I a huge "I love you" note on the table.

I wanted to apologize to Jason for the way I left the house, but he wouldn't let me. It made me wonder if I'd even felt that way toward God. God, I didn't mean for your Son to have to die for me. I didn't mean to be a hopeless mess. I just couldn't help it. But I'm so sorry you had to do that for me. Next time, I'll do better.
That seems almost laughable to me, because I know that God's reaction to that is the same reaction Jason had to me. Stop it. All you have to say is 'thank you'. I did it because I love you.

Ah, mercy. It's so funny that at the same time we are so grateful and so guilty to receive what we do not deserve. Here's to just being grateful.