Here's to the straight paths.

We never know what a year will bring, do we? I tend to think of myself as generally optimistic, but sometimes life throws you some lemons. And you can make all the jokes you want about throwing the lemons back and demanding chocolate . . . some days you don't have the strength for that.

This last year I had had some good sized lemons tossed in my lap, and it was hard not to ask why. Why God, why? Seriously? This is how things are going to be? This is in my story now?
I know that why can be a dangerous question to ask, especially when you're thinking with your emotions. But sometimes I couldn't help but ask anyway.

One particularly hard, teary night, I asked why and flipped through my Bible. I was not looking for answers really. Just comfort. Just something to soothe the ache. And I found this:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. (Proverbs 3:5-8 NIV)

I think it was the words "health" and "nourishment" that stopped me first. I wanted healing in my soul more than anything else in that moment. So I read it again.

All the whys I'd been asking . . . that was me trying to lean on my own understanding, wasn't it? I wanted an answer, something to understand, a reason for why things happen the way they do. That way, I could make sure it would never happen again. I wanted to never hurt like this again.

If I found an answer, I would be wise in my own eyes, but it would not bring the healing that I wanted. Only fearing the Lord can do that. Only trusting HIM. My own understanding wouldn't hold me up.

I read it over and over, trying to lock those words with their new meaning into my heart. You know what else I found? God doesn't promise us straight paths in this verse. He doesn't say, "Trust me and all your paths will be straight." He says when we acknowledge him, He will take the make our paths straight. He will take the crooked, bumpy path we're on, and make it straight.

Amen and amen.

Image

I love it when people tell me that one of my daughters looks like me.

When Natalie was born, we thought she bore a strong resemblance to Jason, and most people agreed. His nose, his eyes, his forehead, his ears. I didn't mind. I (obviously) find Jason extremely attractive. So when Jason's step-mom asked me if I minded that Natalie looked so much like him, I said, "How can I when she's so cute?"
Now that Natalie's five, I get a lot more comments about her looking like me. At first, I didn't believe them. I thought, "That's strange. Must be the glasses. Because she's always looked like Jason." But I've gotten so many comments now, and I've come to realize I like it.

Now Elsie -- she has golden blonde hair, blue eyes . . . so different from my dark hair and eyes. But she looks like my sister, which means she must get her looks from me, right?

When Jason and I were in the hospital, and Maureen was just a day old, he looked at her and said, "You know, I think she's gonna look like you. Something about her . . . I don't know, I just think that she's going to end up looking like you -- more so than the other girls." And boy, you know I've latched on to that. I looked at her today, finding all the things about her that she may have gotten from me. I was so proud.

It's funny. I didn't like my looks for a long time when I was growing up. But now I'm wishing them on all of my girls. I think it's a natural desire in parents, to have a little someone that looks like them. Maybe it's because we're all created in Someone Else's image to begin with.

Reasons I love having little girls.

1. They can sing "Sisters" from White Christmas.

2. Friends for life. A sales clerk saw me in the store with the girls the other day and she said that she has three daughters and she tells them, "I've given you automatic friends." Indeed.

3. Ponytails and braids.

4. Mermaids and fairies.

5. Tiaras and make-up.

6. Unicorns and glitter (!)

7. Watching small girls carry your purse around is too fun.

8. Playing house with babies.

9. Tea parties.

10. Every Sunday is like playing dress up with my three favorite dolls.

If you have girls, what are some of your favorite things? If you have boys, I'd love to hear the list you're keeping, too!

In which, we meet Maureen.

Well. I've taken a very long break from posting, but allow me to make my way back into blogging by introducing you to someone.


For those of you who love the stats, Maureen Nicole was born October 16, at 3:04pm and was 7 lbs 11.5 oz, and 20.5 inches long. Maureen means "wished-for child" or "great", and Nicole means "victory of the people" or "victorious people," all of which seem appropriate.

I love this pic. Maureen in her "Little Sister" shirt, between her two sisters whose shirts say, "Big Sister."

Maureen is sweet and kissable. She brings something special to our family already.

Somehow, I really thought we would have a girl again, even before we saw the gender through ultrasound. After the ultrasound, strangers would see my pregnant belly while I pushed my other two daughters in a cart through the store and ask if we knew what we were having. And when I said that the doctor thought it was another girl (with a big smile on my face), they would say things like, "Oh no! Maybe next time," or even apologize. They always walked away quickly after that, which is probably good because I was annoyed. I was very much NOT sorry to be having another daughter.

Jason bought this shirt in Jericho for Maureen when she was about 9 weeks gestation. It says, "God did a great work here."

I think it would be great if we had a boy someday, but I am so glad we have Maureen. She is perfect for our family. I don't know how to explain it, but when I look at her, I know I could have all girls and be completely satisfied.

It helps that she's adorable and has a great smile.

And so, Maureen has completely stolen our hearts. People look at her and say that they don't know who she looks like, but she definitely belongs to us. And I love that. I love that she's with us, that she's part of us. I can't wait to find out more of who she is.


I love you Baby Girl!

Well. I've taken a very long break from posting, but I'll give you lots of pictures to try to make up. For those of you who love the stats, Maureen Nicole was born October 16, at 3:04pm and was 7 lbs 11.5 oz, and 20.5 inches long. Maureen means "wished-for child" or "great", and Nicole means "victory of the people" or "victorious people," all of which seemed appropriate. And now I would like to present, for your reading enjoyment: Why I Love Being the Mommy of Three Girls - I've always liked pink and purple - Every Sunday is like playing dress up with my three favorite dolls - They can sing "Sisters" from <span style="font-style: italic;">White Christmas</span> - Giggling and squealing - Female trios sound awesome - Rainbows, glitter, hearts, unicorns, sparkles, jewelry, princesses, fairies! - Headbands and piggy tails - Playing with make-up

Attitude

This Sunday our guest speaker read a quote that ended with:

"Attitude is the librarian of our past, the speaker of our present, and the prophet of our future."

Don't you like that? At first I was just struck with the prophet part. It took me a minute to figure out the librarian part.

Librarian of the past -- To me, this means "the librarian" determines how we look those old circumstances, broken relationships, and painful times. "The librarian" picks out the books that shape our opinion of these things.

Speaker of the present -- The other day I was leaving Sam's Club and asked the clerk at the door how he was doing. This elderly man paused, gave me a smile, and said, "Oh . . . I'm just so glad to be here." Now, if a twenty-something had said that, I would have looked hard to see if he was being sarcastic, but this man was sincere. His response made me smile. His attitude spoke volumes.

Prophet of the future -- You probably know pretty much what I'm going to say here. You don't reach the stars by looking at the ground. Perspective of what things will be like, regardless of their current state, is invaluable.

Wanna know what I really like about this quote? I have a say in all this. If the librarian of my past is a grumpy, pitiful thing, I can fire her and hire someone cute and cheerful. If I don't like what the speaker of my present is saying, I can change the channel until I find someone who better represents who I want to be. And if the prophet of my future is tempted to predict gloom and doom, I can . . . I don't know, read the New Testament or something.

Because -- I am all these people. The attitude is up to me.

Do I love you because you're wonderful? Or are you wonderful because I love you?

Last week Jason took me to the symphony. The Wyoming Symphony Orchestra was playing at the college, and Jason had to go to a concert and write a paper for one of his music classes, so I got to tag along. And let me just say, it THRILLED. MY. SOUL. For many reasons that I'm sure you could guess, and for a few that maybe you wouldn't. But during intermission I turned to Jason and said, "Isn't it amazing how so many things could be going on at once? I think it's so great just to get a good melody, but who gets a melody and then hears all these other things going on in the background that will add to the overall effect?"

And just as I finished the question, I knew the truth of what Jason said next. He said, "I do."

Do you ever stand in awe of the privilege of not just knowing your husband but actually being the one who got to marry him?

When I looked it up in the dictionary I saw your picture.

About a month ago I went through my typical Mommy-and-Daddy-are-both-on-worship-team-today routine. I woke up at 5, so I could be ready by 6, so I could get the girls ready and we could all be at the church by 7 (or pretty close to it, anyway). Jason and I had picked out and ironed our clothes the night before, and I had set out the girls' dresses. I was in the kitchen, packing up breakfast for the kids to eat during worship team practice. I had hard-boiled four eggs, packed two baggies of cereal, put grapes in two bowls that have lids, tucked two packages of fruit snacks into a small pouch of the diaper bag (for a snack in between the two services we hold), and was pouring water into two water bottles. Sometimes, depending on what we are doing after church, I will also pack an extra change of clothes for all of us (and maybe swimming suits and sunscreen for the girls). And the thought came to me ...

"This is ridiculous."

Now, it's not really ridiculous, because all that prep work makes the morning go more smoothly, and all that food is needed because my girls are getting up earlier than they usually do, and eating lunch 2-3 hours later than they usually do on Sundays like these. But suddenly the thought of adding one more small person to that -- oh man. But then I realized what was really going on here.

I ... am amazing.

Yes. It's really true, I've come to see. But I don't say this to you as a way of patting myself on the back. I say this because if you are a mom, you are amazing, too. Just take a look at everything you do. Make dinner nearly every night of the year. Keep tabs on everyone's underwear and socks so you know when you absolutely have to do laundry today. Find the missing shoe that no one else knew where to look for. Keep your temper with your children when you want to be given over to fits of rage. Teach those small people running around your house how to do productive things like clean their rooms, or tie their shoes, or say sorry with the nice voice, when most of the time they don't want to learn how to do those things at all. You pray for your husbands and support them. You let them go out with the guys while you fix dinner, give bathes, and put the kids to bed alone. And you smile about it, because you know he will come home a happier man, and you don't really begrudge him that time anyway (too much).

So, good for you! Take a look at yourself -- you do amazing things everyday. And even though you do them everyday, you don't quit. You keep giving and loving -- something that is truly amazing.